Let me help you understand those crazy Christians…

Posted by Theresa on August 23rd, 2012 . Filed under: Relationships .

I’m a Christian. And I’m tired of everyone hating all Christians (even though I understand why people do).  Because, you know what?  There are some crazy, hate-spewing Christians out there..but there are also some of us who really love everyone.

Yes, EVERYONE.

I realize that people hate Christians, because there’s a perception that Christians hate them.

And yes, sadly in a lot of cases, it’s true.

You know why it’s true?  Because Christians are humans.  And as I’m growing to understand how humanity and Christianity interweave, I wanted to share my understandings with you.

Stages of Christianity

A while back, I went to a conference where the keynote speaker was Brian McLaren.  He was talking mostly about the material in his book called, “Naked Spirituality.”  His sessions really helped me understand my own people, who baffle me time and time again.  My fellow Christians.

You see, he has this theory about 4 stages of Christianity.

He calls the first stage, “Simplicity.”  This is the stage that Christians are in when they first become Christians, whether that’s when they are children or adults.  Most Christians will move beyond this stage, but some never do.  The stage is characterized by “black and white” thinking.  Christians in this stage will tend to believe that you’re either for us, or against us.  It’s all or nothing.

The second stage is called, “Complexity.”  This is the stage where Christians start to realize that there’s more than one way to do things.  This is also where they start looking for ways to put their faith into action.

The third stage is called, “Perplexity.”  This is the stage that many Christians reach in their young adult years, particularly if they go to Bible school, and learn that not everything is as simple as they were taught.  They discover that everyone has a different opinion and that it’s impossible to know who is right and who is not.

The fourth stage is called, “Harmony/Humility.”  In this stage Christians bring their focus back to a few broad essentials, such as loving God and loving people.

 

That’s a VERY brief summary, but that’s the gist of it.

 

First stage of anything is “black and white.”

The thing about these four stages, is that I think they describe not just Christians, but HUMANITY.

So, for example, anyone know a health nut?  How about a heath nut who used to eat junk and drink diet coke and put all kinds of nasty things in their body?  And NOW, said health nut would NEVER eat sugar or wheat or any other food that they now believe is junk.  And people who eat BREAD?!!! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT YOUR BODY?!!!!  Suddenly their view of food is very black and white.  And pretty extreme in a lot of cases.

Or, how about this for an example: Attachment Parents.  Some people discover Attachment Parenting, and they take it to the EXTREME.  You let your baby cry for 10 minutes?!!! EVIL HORRIBLE PARENT, YOU!!!!!!  You use a STROLLER??!!!! Why on EARTH would do THAT?!!!  And how DARE you use a Baby Bjorn or a Snugli baby carrier?!!!  Wear your baby, obviously, but NOT THAT WAY!!!!!

Before we knew this was the wrong way to wear a baby. We all learn and grow and change. Hopefully, anyway.

 

I think you get the point.  I’m pretty sure it’s just plain old human nature to take things to the extreme.

 

So, I’ve come to understand why a first stage Christian can tend to take things to an extreme, like their views on Abortion or Homosexuality or {insert hot topic here}.

Sort of, at least.  I can understand the human-nature-reasons for WHY some (probably first stage) Christians have very black and white beliefs.

But I do not understand the REASON for the extreme beliefs.

The way I see it is, God calls us Christians to love Him, and to love our neighbours.  Jesus said it himself (Matthew 22:37-40).  And no, he didn’t say, “Love your neighbour as yourself, but only if they are like yourself,” or “only if they are straight and drug-free and rich.”  Nope, he really didn’t.

Jesus said to love your neighbours, period.  In fact Jesus didn’t even say, “Hate the sin, love the sinner.”  NOPE!!! He REALLY didn’t.  He said, LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOUR. PERIOD.

 

So, believe me when I tell you that I, too, am trying to understand these crazy Christians who make everyone hate all Christians.  And I am truly TRULY sorry for hate that many Christians have spread in the name of Christ.  It’s WRONG.  The only thing Christians are supposed to do is LOVE.

Thankfully, a lot of Christians DO understand this and live it out.  Thankfully not ALL Christians have glossed over Jesus’ command to love.  Thankfully MOST Christians move beyond the first stage.

 

Understanding Ourselves.

Maybe it will never happen, but I have this dream that someday we’ll all be able to grow and mature beyond behaving like children, stuck in the first stage of anything and everything.  And maybe if we understand what we’re doing while we’re doing it, it will help.  Maybe if we can step back and see that we ourselves are seeing things too “black and white,” we’ll realize how crazy it is.  Maybe if we focus on ourselves and our own sins (or diets, or parenting), we can stop attacking everyone else.  Wouldn’t that be nice?  Just imagine it with me for a second.

Are you imagining it?

 

 

Ah! So peaceful!  Can I just stay here forever?  Please?!

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  • Debbie

    Great post :)

  • http://www.4andcounting.blogspot.com nicole_asmanyasgiven

    I do not see how this could offend anyone. As a Christian, I fail. I am sure my views have come across as hateful at times. I am doing my best to live the life I feel called to. I think there is too much hate all around–we can agree it is not limited to Christians, right? I like the 4 stages explanation. I think I belong in more than one stage. :/

    • http://www.highheelhippiemommy.com/ Theresa

      Yeah, the stages idea a theory, and even if it is totally accurate, which is probably isn’t, people certainly don’t always fit into one stage at one time. It never works that way, right? But it really seems to have a lot of truth to it, I think.

      Hate is DEFINITELY not limited to Christians! It’s the hate OF Christians that inspired this post. But it’s everywhere, all around. Probably a big part of human nature as well, unfortunately. That’s why Christians are supposed to be modelling the way of love. How do we love? We build relationships with people, spend time with them, give gifts, offer service…the list goes on. It’s hard in our busy lives, but I believe there’s always a way. :)

  • http://www.mamabean.ca Mama Bean

    That McLaren book is a must read for any Christian. It is tough to read, and tough to understand, but it changed my life. Great post, thanks for being brave to put it out there! :)

    • http://www.highheelhippiemommy.com/ Theresa

      Yes! I haven’t actually gotten around to reading it yet! I absolutely loved hearing him in person though. So insightful!

  • http://twitter.com/Thefamilypants Mama Pants

    Awesome. I am not a Christian but I have Christian friends and this is who they are. They are loving people who do not spew hate or judgement. Love this post. I hope that people like you have their voices heard more and more. Extremism seems to always win attention, doesn’t it? I’d love to see a day when the reality is that all people live together co-existing and not hating each other. I’ll dream that with you :)

    • http://www.highheelhippiemommy.com/ Theresa

      It’s true, extremists get more attention across the board, whether they are Christians or Muslims or anyone else! It’s pretty safe to say that most of the people who belong to the same general group are not as extreme. Thanks for sharing the dream with me! :)

  • Alyssa

    While I totally agree that we should be loving I also think it’s easy to quickly assume that being truthful is not loving, which is not at all true. It’s just a different kind of love… for me it’s all about delivery. The gospel is very offensive as it is so Christians should speak truth compassionately. It’s a tough balance: mercy and truth. That being said I love finding other alternative living Christians :) A lot of Christians I know are pro-spanking and anti-environmentalism (and any other Christian stereo-type)

    • http://www.highheelhippiemommy.com/ Theresa

      I don’t find that the gospel is offensive to most people. It’s more offensive to comfortable Christians than anyone else. Sell all my possessions?! Love my enemies?! Welcome and love “tax collectors?!” That’s a pretty hard gospel to swallow.

      The most offensive thing in the gospel that I can think of is that there is only “one way to the Father,” which is through Jesus Christ. I’ve been struggling with that one lately. But when I think about it, it’s actually freeing. We are not saved because we are Christians, or because we are a part of The Church. We are saved because of Jesus. People need only to learn about Jesus and grow to love him, not his followers. So often I hear people say, “I love Jesus, but I hate the church.” And that’s totally okay, because it’s loving Jesus that really matters.

      • Alyssa

        That’s just it… believing that Jesus is the only way to Heaven and the only freedom from sin is very, very offensive to people who don’t believe that. It’s a message that should be delivered gently and kindly.

  • Leanne Hamilton

    Being Wiccan I have encountered a lot of hate and im only 22. Oddly, I have only had any hate speech directed to me by Christians (Even the Mormons who were giving me their bible and talking to me about their religion were very friendly about it all).
    It makes trying not to be bitter towards one religious group difficult.

    Hate, towards anyone.. For any reason is wrong. We are trying to teach this to our son through actions. We are still learning, growing and im trying to move on from the hate that I encountered.

    However, I do have some Christian friends who love me and accept me for who I am (even if at times we butt heads because im a little “odd” to them and they do not quite get where I come from religiously/spiritually) and it really does help.
    I have also said to you once before that it was nice to see people like you trying to spread love, regardless of religion, to everyone. It really bring me hope that my small family will be able to find peace, and acceptance in this world.

    So thank you for being you and bringing the issue of loving everyone to the table now and then. <3

    • http://www.highheelhippiemommy.com/ Theresa

      Thanks Leanne. :) I don’t know why I feel the need to write about it once in a while, but I can’t stop myself. I just need the world to know that not all Christians are hateful, and being hateful is not actually how Christians are supposed to behave. My heart is so heavy thinking about all the Christians who have done so much more damage than good in our world. All we need to do is love! I don’t understand why that’s so hard. :P

  • hanareddy

    Great post! I resemble the remarks about babywearing! Funny! With the second child I gave in and went Snugli, but only after embarrassing myself giving a questionable look to another mom in my lactation group that wore a baby bjorn. So wrong I was!

    As for the black and white – what gets me is the evangelicalism toward everyone without respect for the differences we all have. Then there’s this democracy we all live in. It’s just not nice to demand that one groups values be imposed on all, especially since the seem to be so hateful.

  • Shawn

    as much as you want “love” to be your message. You started this off by detailing yourself as a Christian. I know you don’t want to understand this. But the truth of the matter is. Declaring yourself Christian. Draws a definitive line in the sand. And places you firmly on a side that continues to pursue hate filled actions over hundreds of years. You can not pick and choose how your faith is represented. You are part of an organisation that is guilty, without a shadow of a doubt, of every moral crime that has ever existed. Representatives of your faith have persisted in this hate filled behaviour all throughout history and your still doing today. Christians go the extra level by allowing their false god to purify them of their sin. So that they may continue to wrong others with a clear conscious. I know your not one of “those” Christians. But you have to understand. In for a penny in for a pound. Anybody who declarers themselves a Christian is responsible for the behaviour of Christians. That makes you, the writer of this artical, a murder, rapist, thief, liar, and everything ells your “good” book says not to do. You are a horrible person who aligns themselves with equally awful people. (I know I’m being hard on you here, it’s guilt by association, you are associated) Can you imagine how wonderful of a world we could live in if it didn’t have people like you in it. The problem here is that you drank the koolaid. If I went around preaching a message of love and forgiveness. Yet spent all my time performing hateful actions and pointing the finger at others. What would that make me – A Christian. Christianity is responsible for many of the most awful actions today and through history. Actions speak louder than words. And lets not forget the continued hate your constantly sharing with our contemporary world. With all the evidence in front of you. You have the audacity to write about love. You are literally an example of what’s wrong with modern Christians. You honestly think your hate filled message is one of love. Despite your best intentions, which are obvious and should be respected for your, misunderstood but still, well intended attempt. It’s a very nice try and your heart is in the right place. I hope you understand this next sentence. It’s hard to see blue when your wearing rose coloured glasses. My point is you are bias blind and have no way of truly understanding your ignorance until you free yourself from the flock. You don’t need a Shepard your a human being. Capable of creative independent thought and love. When you free yourself you’ll see that what you understood to be love was really a perversion of the reality of what it can be. I hope one day you can look back at at this well intended, yet woefully ignorant, artical. And be somewhat sheepishly embarrassed. And just to be clear I was once like you, maybe even worse. Trust me its hard to except that your eyes are closed, open them.

    • Claire in Tasmania

      If we get guilt-by-association, then we get virtue-by-association, too. It’s only fair. St Francis of Assisi. Martin Luther King Jr. Desmond Tutu. Nelson Mandela. Paul, Barnabas, Priscilla, Aquilla. Corrie ten Boom and her family. John Smith. Wilberforce and co. Mary Jones….
      Just think, by calling myself a Christian, I get to take the credit for every good deed done and loving word spoken by Mother Teresa and all the sisters of the Little Company of Mary! Wow. And since your guilt-by-association is free of charge, so to speak – ie, I don’t have to do anything hateful to have every hateful action of every Christian imputed to me – it follows that, if I want, I could do no loving act or word in my whole Christian life and still have all those loving actions imputed to me. Score!
      Except that you, Shawn, don’t actually have the power to impute guilt or virtue to anyone. But God does. He gives us the purity of Jesus, free of charge, but he also gives us, by the Spirit, the power to ‘follow the law of love’ as Jesus did. And since I can’t think of a group of people on this earth to associate myself with who have no guilt to pass on to me, my only hope is to stick with the one Person who has enough love and virtue to go around ;)

    • http://www.highheelhippiemommy.com/ Theresa

      Oops! For some reason I missed this comment. Sorry I haven’t responded yet.

      Not that I know how to respond. I have a feeling you are not a regular reader, especially since there are very few men who read my blog. lol!

      It’s clear that you have come here looking for a fight, and, well, I’m not going to fight with you. I agree with you that many Christians have done some detestable, unimaginable, horrible things. But I do not agree that I am lumped together with all of billions of Christians that have existed over 2000 years, and am guilty of all of their transgressions. That just makes no sense. Are all Teachers guilty of having sex with their students because there are a few who have? Of course not. Are all Muslims out to kill all Americans just because there are a few extremists who are? Absolutely not. That argument MAKES NO SENSE. Any sane human can see that.

      It is interesting to me that you blame me for spreading hate simply because of the people I am associated with. You come right out and hate me even though you don’t know me. I don’t see how you are behaving any differently than the hate-filled Christians out there.

      I will never be embarrassed for writing this – for saying that I love all people. Never. It’s the only way I can work against the hate that some Christians, and many others who aren’t Christians, spread. All I can do is love and speak a message of love to those who will listen. And my actions match my words, I can promise you that.

    • http://twitter.com/Odd__Mama__Out Sol

      It is human beings who commit those atrocities, many who have no affiliation to any religious group, some who do. So by your ridiculous line of thinking – you too are guilty of rape, theft, murder and so forth due to your guilt by association to the human race.

    • http://twitter.com/dakotapastor Matt Thompson

      It is a very small thing that we should be judged by you. (1 Corinthians 4:3)

  • http://www.facebook.com/becky.gallivan Becky Overthrow Gallivan

    So I saw this article pulled up on my wife’s screen. I thought I would comment.

    So, you might also mention that it is possible to go from simplicity to complexity to perplexity and to humility while still having beliefs that are not currently in vogue. Promoting life for all potential human life and promoting the practice of sex only within a marriage of one man and woman has no necessary correlation with simplicity; it very well could be humility.

    I also believe that having some simplistic beliefs can be a healthy attempt to protect ourselves from influences that ask people not only to have an open mind, but also to let their brains fall out. You might say it would be better if their brains did fall out because their beliefs are so outdated or “black and white” in a complex, perplexing world. Nevertheless, while some things are too good to be true, some beliefs are probably too good to be false.
    You might also read Cosmopolitanism by Kwame Appiah. I do not agree with everything in this book, but I like his treatment of relativism early in the book, a form of which seems to be promoted as “harmony/humility” in this post. This perspective ultimately allows for little to no conversation, because “From where I stand, I am right, and from where you stand, you are right.” If that was so, then there is nothing left to say.
    So before relegating “those crazy Christians” with more “conservative” beliefs to some sort of earlier stage of development, you might consider not taking such a simplistic view of the stages of Christianity.
    Thoughts?

    -Alan Gallivan